Address In The Stars
by leoslady4ever
Summary: There was so much she'd meant to tell him, so much she'd needed to say. Like how she thought he was an incredible mage, that he was one of the best men she'd ever known. That she was so grateful for his friendship...that she loved him. And now...she'd never get the chance.


_I swear I must be a masochist. Why else would I write these things? Why else would I do things that make me cry so hard? Trust me, even **Nicole4211 **doesn't get it. lol  
_

_So this is taken from the part in the manga/anime where the dragons appear and someone in Fairy Tail dies. If you haven't gotten to that part, I suggest you stay away. STAY BACK! Anyway, in this story, that person doesn't come back. They're well and truly gone, and Lucy is left to find a way to pick up the pieces. _

_Also, the idea of this fanfic comes from a truly incredible song called, **"Address In The Stars" **by **Caitlin and Will**. If you've never heard it, you should give it a try. She wrote it as a way to express her pain over losing her aunt to cancer, and the heartbreak is there in every note. _

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**_Hiro Mashima _**_owns Fairy Tail._

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**ADDRESS IN THE STARS**

It was time for a spring clean, and Lucy being raised with a firm appreciation for cleanliness had tackled it with a vengeance most would envy. It wasn't that she enjoyed such an activity, but to her mind, there was no putting it off. A procrastinater, she was not.

So with her cleaning supplies and a strong sense of resolution, she started in on the job, but only 2 hours later, she was forced to an abrupt halt. She had been going through the boxes under her bed, where she had a tendency to stash all the papers and such she intended to deal with later, and there it was. Sitting so innocently amidst the scattered remains of old notes and receipts was a picture she'd put away long ago.

She hadn't been ready to see that photo every day, hadn't been able to deal with the constant reminder that he was gone, but now that option was very much gone. There was no pretending he was on a mission, that he would eventually return. No, Gray wasn't coming home, and no amount of lies could hide the truth.

The air stilled in her lungs, the sight of his smile stopping her cold. They'd been so happy then, their team. She scanned their faces through watery eyes, missing that easy joy they'd all seemed to have. It had all changed when they'd lost Gray, when the dragons had attacked and taken him away.

It was so unfair, so horribly unfair, and though it had been four months ago, it wasn't any easier to handle now than it was back then. It still felt so unbelievable. How could he be gone? How was it possible that he would never walk through her door again, never toss off his clothes in a move so fast she could scarcely follow.

All at once, Lucy found herself reaching for the communications lacrima on her bedside table, her heart longing to hear his voice just one more time. She'd done it before, more times than she could count in the last few months. It was stupid she knew, but she couldn't seem to stop herself.

She pictured him in her mind, calling up a vision of messy black hair and that lazy smile he always seemed to wear, and within moments, the recording he'd made so long ago came on. His face flickered once, twice, and then he was talking.

'Yo, it's me. Can't talk now, so leave me a message or hit me up later.'

The recording ended all too soon, and once again, it was quiet. Too quiet, and yet it was so damn loud. She felt like she was drowning there on the floor of her room. She was drowning, and there was no escape.

A sob burst from Lucy's mouth, and she clapped a shaking hand over her lips. She didn't know what to do without him. She'd tried to avoid thinking about it, tried not to feel the emptiness in her life now that he was gone, but it didn't work. Even putting away that picture hadn't erased his absence from her mind.

There was a near constant ache in her chest, like a hole had been punched through her soul.

There was so much she'd meant to tell him, so much she'd needed to say. Like how she thought he was an incredible mage, that he was one of the best men she'd ever known. That she was so grateful for his friendship...that she loved him.

Now, she'd never get the chance. He'd died before she had found her courage, before he'd known how she felt about him. Now, it was like the words her stuck inside her, choking her with the truth of her heart. They were trapped there, just like she was trapped in this existence without him.

Before she knew it, she was crying openly, the tears pouring down her face unbidden. She missed him so much. Her friends understood her pain, mourned with her, but she couldn't seem to let go. She couldn't let him go.

Natsu had tried to tell her that Gray wouldn't want her to hold on like this, that he would hate seeing her so sad, and though Lucy knew he was right, she couldn't help it. She felt lost, like no amount of time would ever ease her pain. She woke every single day to this unending hurt, and no matter how busy she tried to stay, it couldn't hide the fact that Gray wasn't around.

It was a lie, all of things people say when people die. That time heals all wounds, that taking it one day at a time helps. To her, it was all just a never-ending parade of colorless days and lonely nights. There was no magic cure. There was only the agony of loss, and anyone that said differently was a fool.

She brushed her finger over his face one more time before she put it away, then stood to her feet. She pushed the box unceremoniously back into place under her bed and walked to her desk. There was no way she could finish now. Her mind was too full...of him.

The only thing left to do was what she'd done with her mother. She wrote to him. She told him all the things she'd never said before. She spilled her heart out to him on the page, ignoring the tears that slipped down her cheeks and blurred the ink. It didn't matter anyway. This letter would never find itself to him, just like the ones to her mother would never find a way to her. It was just for her, just to empty herself of the desperate tears inside, at least for a little while.

The last line written, Lucy paused, then closed her eyes. It was too hard, too much. How would she bear this? How could she make it through one more day of this agony?

She ached inside. Her poor heart was broken in ways she could have never imagined, and yet there was nothing she could do. How she longed to talk to him again, even if just one more time, just one last hug before she said goodbye. She hadn't even been able to say goodbye...

Her lips trembling, she folded up the page and slid in next to the ones for her mom. She shut the lid softly and just sat there, staring at the box and wishing beyond the world that Gray could hear her, wishing that he could see the words she'd scrawled out to him. She wished he could write her back, tell her that he was doing okay, but that wasn't going to happen.

No, those letters, her words...they were all as good as lost now. Her feelings would never reach him now because there was nowhere to send them...no address in the stars.

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**_A/N: Oh jeez, this one was rough to write. It had me crying like a damn baby. I'm such a silly mess, and today, you can add soggy to that description. Such a horrible thought, Gray being dead._**

**_Hope you all can forgive me for writing such a sad thing and find it in your hearts to leave me a review. Bad or good, I'll take it. I need it like I need virtual hugs now. Sniff sniff..._**


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